Chapter 2: Say What?

To the people that know me, I am not a rated PG kind of person. Not even close. I admit I don't externalize my rated NC-17-ness as much anymore, but my mouth will always be rated "I can't believe I just said that out loud in front of/to _____".  The blank is always filled in by something completely inappropriate. It's not my fault. It's as if my mouth sporadically decides to defy me. And wouldn't you know, it's almost sure to happen if I'm in an awkward social situation.

Case in point: It was probably not cool to ask the newlyweds if the wife's diamond is a blood diamond. And perhaps I should not have asked that older gentlemen what it's like to wear hair plugs. But shaming the guy standing next to the serial killer van with the thinning, flesh-colored mustache by asking if he had a NAMBLA card...well, come on! He was wearing the uniform! All he had to do was twist his mustache, get an arm sling, or hold out a puppy/some candy. The only thing missing was the 1970's soft-focus lens and Member's Only jacket. Ah crap, now I remember. He was my dentist. Apparently he had just popped out to his van to unload some supplies. Yep, that's awkward.

But sometimes, it would just be wrong to keep it inside. Tonight I went to a rally for work. Perfectly serious subject matter and a movement I support. But I can't get over the silliness of the acronym. Has anyone ever been in the presence of hundreds of people chanting "BJ!" at once? Who among you could resist finishing the sentence with "'(s) for everyone!" or "(s) are the greatest!"

Don't lie. It still counts if you say it using your inside voice.